


Rated "E" for "Evard's Black Tentacles"

by Trilies



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Bone Fondling, Happy Sex, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Power Perversion, Skeletons, Tentacle On Skeleton, Tentacles, Weird Biology, Weird Sex, Xenophilia, technical necrophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-02-01 04:14:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21372703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trilies/pseuds/Trilies
Summary: Sometimes, it's a tough job being a reaper for the Raven queen. Lots of rough or tiresome work days. Fortunately for Kravitz in particular, he has a boyfriend who is more than happy to help him relax again... no matter what he's looking like.
Relationships: Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 67





	Rated "E" for "Evard's Black Tentacles"

Taako's first reaction when he steps through his planar rift is to give a low quick whistle. "Well look at you. What's the special occasion, stud?"   
  
"Huh?" It takes him a second to realize what his boyfriend is referring to, along with a glance down at himself. Oh, right, right. He's in what Lup loves to refer to as "full frontal Ghostrider" mode- skull, scythe, hooded cloak, the whole package deal. "I'm sorry about that, give me a moment-"   
  
"Hey, no stress." Draped across their couch, ankles crossed, Taako shamelessly shoots him a pair of finger guns topped off with a wink. "Seriously, don't get Merle levels of memory, I told you _ages_ ago that I'm into your style, right? Real slick, real, uh, real Addams Family chic, you know?" Kravitz doesn't, as a matter of fact, but he's long gone past the need to remind Taako- or any of his family- that the only people who get their various in-jokes, memes, and references are each other. It's fine, he gets it. After you live for decades and centuries longer than one would normally live to, and experience various lifetimes, the memory gets a little muddled. While he can't say he's ever experienced world-hopping for a good century, Kravitz is still a grim reaper. He can empathize.   
  
"I'm actually kind of curious about that, actually, considering about how, during the first time we met, you said I should have 'stayed handsome' if I wanted to temp you into, well, dying permanently." Adjusting his scythe, he leans against it slightly, not really wanting to move anywhere just yet. He also doesn't want to be standing either, but that's where he is in his afterlife right now.   
  
"I know, _wild_, right? But, listen-" Taako moves upwards, pulling out of his lazy recline against most of the sofa... to flop onto his stomach, still taking up most of the sofa, arms and head along the armrest. "_Listen_. I thought about it too, because I was like, yeesh, I like to think of myself of having a little more consistency than, you know, fucking none. But I've got it figured out." A slight grin crawls across his face as he spreads his fingers out. "I've solved the skeleton boner puzzle." Despite himself and his overall exhaustion, Kravitz can't help the burst of laughter that leaves him.   
  
Shoulders still shaking a little bit, he says, "So you've, you've cracked the code, huh?"  
  
"Like Merle's spine, my man." He seems pretty damn pleased with the reaction he's gotten, because that grin doesn't seem like it's going anywhere. "But yeah, after thinking about it, I realized that your whole appearance wasn't the dealbreaker. Turns out, when someone is trying to put me in Ghost Town, population: a bunch of dead assholes, that's when I get turned right off. It was all the _attempted murder_, not the whole skeleton thing. Who knew that sort of thing would be such a boner killer?"  
  
Kravitz's shoulders roll up in an exhausted and yet still elegant shrug, because he can do that much at the end of the day. "Who knew, especially considering I'm fairly certain you were invited to the wedding of someone who tried to murder you once."  
  
"I mean, _one_-" Taako points at him limply. "That wedding never happened, so I'm scott-free there. I didn't even have to RVSP, they didn't have a vegetarian option, can you _believe_."  
  
"He has a sort of, a kind of, spider theme, I think, so I believe I can... believe that."  
  
Taako steamrolls past his words. "Second, how the heck do you know Magic Brian? No disrespect to the dead and all that, but I'm pretty sure- oh wait." He pauses, blinking a few times. "Oh, right, the whole _dead_ thing."  
  
Oh, good, he's remembered the whole list of people that he's murdered. "Mhm," Kravitz says noncommittally. "He's a fairly chatty sort, which is a surprising but refreshing change of pace. Usually, you see, when souls get shoved into the Eternal Stockade for escape attempts, they tend to hold something of a grudge, and yet he's probably been the most relaxed prisoner I've had in... probably a century."  
  
Humming, Taako crosses his arms and smooshes his cheek against one while his ear barely manages to just poke out. "Huh, no shit. Anyway, I think we sssssort of got off track, somewhere along the lines. So, if you're not surprising me with a killer look-" He nudges his chin up a little bit in the most low effort gesture in Kravtiz's direction that he can possibly manage. "I'm going to take an incredibly accurate shot in the dark that you may or may not have had a shitty day at the ooool' reaper grind, am I right?"  
  
In the back of his mind, Kravitz vaguely wonders if a night vision joke is being made here, but he doesn't say it out loud. Not only is he too exhausted for those kinds of jokes, but he doesn't want to encourage his boyfriend. Not at this particular moment, anyway. Frankly, he barely manages to raise one skeletal hand for a dismissive swipe through the air. "It was definitely troublesome. Did you know that your sister's very existence seems to be encouraging _cults_ in her name?"  
  
"Aw hell yeah- I mean, oh, shit. Because of how she made the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet, or is one of the Raven Queen's reapers now?"  
  
Kravitz makes the conscious decision to ignore the first part of all of that. "I think it's more her, well, her general everything," Kravitz explains. "You know, with how everything sort of heard your story throughout every single plane in the system. So it's really more of a... fan club."  
  
"_Fuck_ yeah!" Taako _definitely_ doesn't make the choice to hide that one. "So if they're, like, a cult, does that mean they left her offerings of, you know, gold, or magic items, or... I mean, babe, me and Lup, we're a matching set, so we kind of agreed _aaaages_ ago that we'd split fifty-fifty on any fan clubs, offerings in our name, merchandising..."  
  
Somehow, from deep within his depths, Kravitz manages to find enough energy left in him to actually snort. "Oh, uh huh, is that so? Then, if that's true, I'm going to assume you have no problem, none whatsoever, in me just, calling up your sister, you know, my coworker, with the stone of farspeech that I have connected to hers-"   
  
Taako pushes himself onto his elbows, thick braid slipping over and around his shoulder as he tips his palms downwards, as if he can just put this conversation to rest. "Alright, listen. _Listen_." He tilts his chin down, fluttering his eyelashes up at Kravitz. "We can talk about proper, uh, proper splits later." That means he's probably hoping that Kravitz forgets. With how tired he feels right now on a mental scale alone, Kravitz is willing to go along with this transparent scheme. "For now, right here in the present, I think there's something more important to focus on."  
  
"And, what would that be?"  
  
"You, gorgeous!" Pushing himself up onto his knees, Taako spreads his hands out in gesture towards Kravitz. "It doesn't take an incredibly talented and gorgeous wizard to tell that you're stressed out, homie! So, I'm going to do you a solid." Pulling his hands back, he grins and gestures to himself with a flourish. "I'm going to give you a _Taako Special_."  
  
Having a skull for a face means one is kind of in a perpetual state of smiling. All teeth, no, you know, lips. Still, if he could, Kravitz knows he definitely would be smiling now. "Are we talking about the food or you? Just, to clarify."  
  
"Me, baby!" Taako bends over, digging around in the couch cushions before he triumphantly pulls out a wand. He has dozens of them around the place, as far as Kravtiz can tell. Ever since Lup was released from her accidentally self-imposed prison, Kravitz has never noticed his boyfriend ever using another wand with as much regularity. Sure, there's the Krebstar, but that seems to be more of a special occasion sort of thing. An "adventuring with Magnus and Merle" sort of thing. When it comes to more mundane stuff- showing off for students at his and Ren's school, moving one of their cats off of a book, conjuring an ingredient instead of bothering to just take half an hour to buy it at the store- that's throw away wand territory. Kravitz isn't even entirely sure he knows the full extent of how many are in the place, just that Taako always seems to be able to have one on hand anywhere in their living quarters. "I know exactly how to get those old bones of yours all loosened up." Raising the wand to his lips, he kisses it and winks.   
  
Blushing isn't normally a thing a skeleton can do. Kravitz has sort of been a skeleton, or at least had a skeletal form, for centuries now. Eons? Time flies when you're constantly working for a god of the afterlife. So he's well aware of the limitations of his body, whatever shape it's in. Yet he sure as hell _feels_ as though he could blush right now, the kind of warm feeling he half attributes to the necromatic magic keeping him going.   
  
It's definitely not visible, but Taako's smirk seems to get all the more pronounced.   
  
Kravitz replies half to keep his boyfriend from mercilessly roasting him. "Well, far be it for me to refuse you being gracious, but, I have o say, I'm rather surprised. You've always come off to me as something more of aaaaaa... pillow queen, I suppose one could say."  
  
"It's _called_ topping from the bottom-"   
  
"And I think that's called a little bit of bullshit-"   
  
"And I can change things up a little bit." Taako's hand twirls to the side a little, wand carving through the air smoothly. "So you just sit back, relax, and let Taako take charge, got it? Ah ah ah-!" He points his wand at Kravitz as he starts to move to one of the chairs, and the reaper pauses in place. "No, you aren't going _anywhere_, hot stuff."  
  
As Taako leisurely gets off of the couch, Kravitz tilts his chin up a little bit in his direction. "So, you want me to sit back and relax, without actually sitting back."  
  
A snort exits him sharply. "Yeah, like, you're not a floating skeleton in ghost robes who has, at one point, definitely flown. The god you're associated with is a bird! Birds are all about flying-"   
  
"This particular bird is kind of more a death build."  
  
Taako continues his trait of bulldozing over anyone he doesn't want to listen to at the present moment. "-but there's good news! Because you still don't even have to float. This is all on me." And with that, he snaps his wrist out in a way that's maybe a little overdramatic for an audience of one.   
  
Magic pulses through the air, flowing out from Taako and the various planes to twist the present reality into something different. What Kravitz prepares himself for is a levitate spell- the obvious choice, what's kind of on his mind considering the talk they've just had. If he won't float, clearly Taako can just... make him float. Yet Kravitz doesn't feel himself go any higher into the air, doesn't feel the peculiar sort of weightlessness that comes with being lifted up at someone else's will. Instead, what changes isn't himself, but the floor _beneath_ him. There's barely even a chance to react when it pulses and ripples upwards. Before he actually sees anything, he _feels_ the way a particularly large example of Evard's Black Tentacles arches up into the back of his knees and catches him as he loses balance by continuing upwards until it can curve along his skull.  
  
"Um," Kravitz says, eloquently.   
  
Even in the simplest of actions, Taako can radiate smugness, and he does so now as he casually draws his wand hand back to rest cockily along one quirked hip. "It's only gotten better with time, right? Which was already a fucking _feat_, let me tell you."  
  
"It's definitely-" Reaching down to try and balance himself, Kravitz's hands press down into the soft but firm flesh of more tentacles. Dozens and dozens of tentacles, in fact. "It's certainly different from what I think I've experienced in the past." He means this in a _lot_ of different ways. Yet it takes him a second to really look around him, absorb the entire situation he's in, before he can really say to what extent. The enormous tentacle that he'd fallen against is big enough that, even in human form, he'd have no troubles laying against it, and his legs have sprawled out enough with part of it arching up inbetween his limbs. Past and beneath that, well, he can't even see the floor anymore now. Instead, there's nothing but dozen and dozens of dark tentacles squirming against one another. The only ones that are even remotely still would be those that his hands are pressed down against, with the bright ivory of his fingers standing out in sharp contrast to the glistening darkness. Just that alone would be different from what Kravitz has seen of the spell in his long afterlife. Evard's Black Tentacles tend to draw themselves out into the world with a particular preference, although it's not always exact either from caster to caster or even spell to spell. Rather, there's always enough room around their target of choice to make terrain difficult but not... impossible. That's not even going into the magical strength required to summon all of them. Thus, the result is often a good solid handful of tentacles spaced out from one another. Kravitz has seen people dodge past or around or over them in the past... But that's been with the consideration of a normal showing of this spell.  
  
Very befitting of something cast by Taako, nothing about this situation can be considered normal. Unlike the typical example of the spell, they don't lash out towards him, or wind tightly around his body in a way he's at least a little familiar with. Instead, they tangle and curl amongst themselves. Kravitz has long since forgotten what it's like to posses a regular human body, so various arcane intricacies are responsible for his senses... and that's more than enough to make him want to shudder as he feels tentacles slither along the underside of his legs. Inbetween them, the largest tentacle holding him up arches up occasionally.   
  
Which is certainly getting _some_ sort of reaction, that's for bloody well certain.   
  
Taako is aware of it, too. There's no way he can't be with the way he slinks over to the very edge of the tentacle orgy as if his hips are trying to orbit an entirely different sphere of gravity. "It better be different than anything you've seen, Krav. I've been working on tweaking this particular spell myself for _ages_. Well, I mean, I guess I've experienced longer-" One of the tentacles bulges out just enough for Taako to lounger against it. "-but it's definitely taken some doing. And all for you, too. I mean-" For once, some of the easy confidence falters. It's not long, probably wouldn't be noticed by anyone who hadn't spent a lot of time with the wizard, but Kravitz can see it. "This is the sort of freaky shit you're into, right?"  
  
Oh. Ah. "Well, this is sort of... embarrassing," Kravitz says slowly, delicately picking out his words. "I can't say you're _wrong_, exactly, just... When did you figure _that_ out?"  
  
Figuring Taako out can be all about the subtleties, sometimes. Here, in this moment, it's picking up how his thumb doesn't press down so hard now against his wand. "Oh, that shit's old news, baby. I mean, I know you like to think you're real slick, forgetting to wear skin half the time, and definitely most of the time from when we first met, but you definitely gave it away the first time I used this spell on you."  
  
If he had the muscles for it, he would wince. Lacking those in his current state, Kraviz instead sort of... finds his head twitching to the side, without much input from himself. "Was I _that_ obvious?"  
  
"Pretty sure I saw you blush, player."  
  
"_I'm_ pretty sure that's a lie, because, in case you can't remember, I was sort of ppppossessing a small building's worth of crystals, none of which had the ability to blush?"  
  
"You blushed," Taako insists, getting into things now as he leans forward with a shiteating grin. "I'm, I'm a mage, I can sense blushes from magical rocks grinding together or whatever garbage answer you try to spin it as." Something seems to hit him, and he curls a finger near his chin. "Or maybe it was more the exhibition aspect of me just, like, propositioning you about starring in a tried and true tentacle hentai that got you worked up... In which case, uh, shit, babe, I think you might get fired if I try and pull that kind of exhibitionist perv display."  
  
Kravitz can't help but grin wide. Literally. "Good news: it was the tentacles."  
  
"HA! Got you to admit it."  
  
"All part of your master plan, right?"  
  
Letting more of his body be supported by the arch of a tentacle as he learns forward all the further, Taako trails the tip of his wand along Kravitz's leg. "Listen, why make a master plan when bullshitting every day is way easier?" With that said, he stabs the wand end into his braid. Probably not the most magically safe thing to do, ever, and yet that has never once stopped Taako. "So, hey..." Kraviz drags his gaze away from unsafe wand practice and looks into his boyfriend's face. These days, Taako doesn't wear his glamour as much anymore. Still sometimes, of course, for some things. Why pack a bunch of clothing when you can cast Glamour for anything you could imagine? Yet in the privacy of their home, with their cats, with each other... He hardly wears it at all. Kravitz tends to remember that fact during moments like these, where Taako drops the grandoise arrogance- some faked, some real, so tightly entwined that it's hard to tell which is which at any given moment- to just really look at him. It's a hard thing to describe to other people. Kravitz has never wanted to. "In case you couldn't tell, this is all... me kind of Magnusing this whole random encounter bit. You're cool with it, right? If you're not, I mean, just go right for the-" He mimes swinging a scythe toward the various tentacles filling up their living room.   
  
If they were just a little closer, Kravitz would- well, he thinks he would do a lot of things. Some would probably even be helped by having skin, or facial muscles. In the absence of all of that, he uses his voice instead. "Taako... I'm not going to go Grim Reaper on a bunch of tentacles _you_ summoned that aren't even hurting me." He'd never brandish it towards Taako again. That's a fact. "I mean, you haven't even _done_ anything yet, technically, just... made an offer." Kravitz casts one more glance around at his immediate surroundings. Along one arm, a more svelte tentacle grazes across a bony wrist. Keeping his focus with his surroundings being what they are is... definitely a new and unique struggle. "And honestly? I... Well. It's like you said." Pure ivory fingers trail loosely through the air as he gestures to the tentacles still gently writhing beneath him. "If I said I didn't have the very filthy fetish of tentacles being all around me, you would never let me forget about both that fact and that I would be an equally filthy liar. It's just not normally a thing people get to experience sans life or me situations. I mean, there _are_ magic sex clubs-"   
  
"People gotta people, right?"  
  
A snort puffs out from the nose-shaped hole in his skull. "People do indeed gotta people, and people aren't normally down for death hanging around their wild tentacle orgy."  
  
Grinning widely now, Taako finger guns him. "Most people don't have my kink constitution, hot stuff!"  
  
Kravitz rolls his eyes. At least, the pair of glowing spots in the hollows of his skull carry out the movement. "We _should_ probably come up with a safe word. Just in case."  
  
"Merle," Taako says so quickly that Kravitz almost thinks he's _hallucinated_ it. His gaping must be obvious even in skeletal form, because Taako carries on. "Listen, either you'll be saying that because you need a second for yourself or something is going wrong, et cetera, whatever, the usual safe word things, and just the mental image will be a boner killer as it is- _or_ you'll be saying it because Merle Highchurch will be _literally_ in the room watching us get up to our SUPER R-rated no-kids-allowed hobbies, in which case I will probably go flaccid even _faster_." Towards the end, he has to start raising his voice just to be heard over Kravtiz's choked out laughter.   
  
Maybe a full three minutes later, Kravitz manages to stop laughing long enough to form words, or even remember how to do that in the first place. "Is that le- no, legality isn't really a thing, but, _morally_, using his name as a safe word, that's- that can't be-"   
  
"It's only immoral if we rub it in his face," Taako drawls. "And anyway, Merle threatened to beat up a gradeschooler once, us and morals are a kind of an off-again on-again relationship." His grin is stretching wide across his face now, however. "So what do you think? Good choice?"  
  
If there's one good thing about being in his skeletal form, it's that there are no tear ducts to positively streak his face wet as he'd laugh himself sick. It would be a kind of bad start to a night of what looks like amazingly kinky sex. Laughter fading slightly into chuckles, Kravitz tries to relax into the writhing tentacle cushion that's been made for him. "Terrible but good choice. So, just... sit back and relax, right?"  
  
Slinking back to the couch, Taako winks over his shoulder. "You aren't getting a choice anymore, my man. So let's get things started, alright?"  
  
The intent behind his words becomes clear soon enough. Beneath Kravitz, the tentacles become more active as they slide out from one another and curve up against his body further. Even now, he has to admire Taako's skill as a wizard. The original spell was made for combat, and yet now every smooth inch of it is delicate as can be as they begin to slide along his body. They're _purposeful_, almost intricate in their construction by the way they begin to remove his clothing as easily as Taako's fingers have done numerous times in the past. First is his trademark reaper robe, of course, sliding off of him easily even without the numerous tentacles at work. It's a testament to the... activity at hand that the tentacles don't just toss it aside, instead lingering and sliding slowly against his body at every bit where his robe covered. They glide right at his shoulder blades as they push away velvety cloth, and ghost along his ribs as they part the front of his robe. So much sensuality in nothing but pure flesh, Kravitz almost doesn't realize when his robe has been fully parted from him, lost somewhere within those thick writhing depths.   
  
Briefly, only a flicker of a second, and Kravitz looks away from the tentacle caressing his leg up towards where Taako is sprawled. Even doing nothing, his boyfriend still looks positively stunning with his braid draped down along his shoulder and over loose clothing that he makes look luxurious with no effort at all. When their eyes meet, Taako's grin only widens all the more.   
  
That's about all Kravitz has time to notice before the slick shine of a tentacle drags back his attention. Pulling his gaze away from his terribly attractive boyfriend, he looks down to see a slightly smaller tentacle dip behind his ankle and down into his heel. It's really mostly pure magic that keeps his clothing fit onto him as well as it does, whenever he goes into this particular form. When it comes down to the pure physicality of it all, well there's nothing really _stopping_ someone or something from taking advantages of all the actual hollow spaces inbetween cloth and bone, or all the spaces in general. Absolutely nothing is in the way to stop the slim tendril from bumping up into the hem of his pants leg, bulging against the arch of his fibula and pressing down on top of his calcaneus. His shoe slides off easily against the gentle but insistent force, popping off silently as the tentacle wiggles further in.   
  
Senses are a peculiar thing, when you're of the undead. Hearing, taste, smell, sight- those are all things that can be translated easily enough through the fog of magic. Touch, when he's a skeleton? No flesh, no nerves? The magic still translates for him, to a certain degree, yet... molded differently, now. Dulled in some ways, yet still existing. In some ways... Almost more sensitive, Kravitz thinks personally.   
  
He feels sensitive _now_ as the tentacle slides further down the bottom of his foot, growing thicker with every inch until it can throb upwards. So _supple_, it doesn't just press upwards, but inbetween, too, bulging through the gaps of his metatarsals and spreading his phalanges ever so slightly apart from one another. It's frankly nothing he's felt before while in this form, or at least not often, and Kravitz feels... _something_ tingle up along the exposed bareness of his spine. His heart, wherever it floats, unformed, would be fluttering.   
  
None of the tentacles wait for him to adjust to any of these new sensations, of course. A slightly thicker one than either of those now at his feet twists around his thigh up towards his torso. There's nothing between his legs as of the current moment to draw a heat from the pit of his being, yet there's still _something_ when that particular tendril winds up in the connecting spot between leg and groin. It plucks up the bottom of his waistcoat, slithering underneath it to shamelessly pop open the buttons. A protest is right between Kravtiz's teeth, a half-formed noise, and Taako is already laughing at him before anything can be properly worded. No argument can be made against that, not really. Kravitz cuts himself off, aiming for another roll of his eyes. The affect is a little bit ruined when his whole body jolts, affected by a small group of tendrils slipping past his waist and beneath his belt. "If you rip open my belt like you did my waistcoat," he tells his most beloved, voice strained against all odds, "I will absolutely use our safeword to destroy this very sensual and hot moment."   
  
"Sshhhhh shh shh shh. It's fine, we'll buy you a new one with my sister's cult offerings." Fortunately, like so much with Taako, it's just talk. The tentacles don't pull or strain against his waistband, don't split apart fine leather. They stay perfectly respectful and lewd, sliding along the steep curve of his ilium. With how many holes are in the hipbone, it'd be simple enough to find so much to invade. Yet they don't. All they do is toy with him, dragging out the anticipation with each slick tip lingering by the holes of his ischium or the much larger hole in the middle of it all. Kravitz doesn't think he's felt anything like what is being dangled in front of his non-existent nose. He doesn't think he's ever _wanted_ anything like this, both the subject and the surprising extent of his own feelings. He narrows his eyes over towards his impeccably smug boyfriend, an impressive feet that mostly means drawing out the light of his eyes into something more of a thin line than an orb. This has not and never will work on a wizard who looked the End of Existence in the face while under the effect of a Fear spell and was still able to talk shit. "Hey, what is it, babe? You said not to rip open your belt!"   
  
The Kravitz of half an hour ago wouldn't have imagined having the energy to bicker with his boyfriend. Horniness really is an amazing wake up call. "You know very _well_ you could undo my pants without destroying anymore-" Air grinds inbetween his teeth as more tentacles slide around the larger one at his back, pushing away shirt and waistcoat together. One twines around one arm, entangling itself inbetween ulna and radius. Kravitz doesn't have the vocabulary to describe how it feels to be touched in a place he doesn't think anyone else has ever been touched, besides that the sensitivity of it all makes him want to jolt and shiver. "Just slide it off, Taako."   
  
Things can only be easy with Taako involved when it benefits Taako. He hums, long and slow, when there's nothing to actually think about. "See, I don't know, that's just, that's a lot of work, right? A lot of really delicate kind of, concentration-"   
  
"Taako," Kravitz says with as much love as he knows how, "I am absolutely going to flip my whole god damn shit over here if you either destroy my belt _or_ keep teasing me like this."   
  
It is physically impossible for Taako's grin to get any wider. The wizard clearly tries anyway. "I thought you said you were tired or something?"  
  
"Yes, it's quite a miracle, isn't it? I suppose that's the wonders of dating someone who prefers the lowkey sadism of messing with people until they're three seconds from blowing their top from carefully cultivated sexual frustration while literally ass deep into one of their fetishes."  
  
Something about the phrasing of all that makes Taako just _lose it_. He immediately smothers his face into the space between arm and couch cushion, shrieks of laughter poorly muffled in the upholstery. Even amongst the dozens of tentacles, even mildly annoyed as he is, Kravtiz can't help but feel something genuinely _warm_ curl up in the center of his ribcage invisible and yet so very present. There's something to be said for being in love. Then again, he can at least admit that's partially because, with his free hand, Taako jitterly gestures towards the tentacles and they slither out only to begin plucking at his belt properly. That's definitely the kind of thing that can make a grim reaper smile a little more. By the time the tentacles are dragging his pants past his patella, Taako finally manages to look upwards with his cheeks colored deeply and tears still pricking at the corner of his eyes. Kravitz makes the mistake of thinking that maybe they'll finally be able to continue onwards, which is a mistake because Taako immediately says, "That bad of a _boner_, huh?", the words which promptly set him off into another shrieking fit of laughter.   
  
His pants slide all the way off to disappear into tentacle void hell. Kravitz rolls his eyes. "You've made that joke _so_ many times," he informs the love of his afterlife, powerless to both tentacles and the way his affection bleeds into his tone.  
  
"It never stops being funny," Taako informs him, wiping a tear from his eye. Huffing out an air of utter satisfaction, he slumps back against the couch and whistles. "But you know, this is still some sort of wack ass pinup shit, I have _got_ to say." It's only then that Kravitz remembers to take in his entire situation. His emotions have been bouncing honestly _everywhere_ since this entire encounter started, and he's completely forgotten, well.... For one thing, his now utter lack of clothes, with the final barrier between bone and air completely gone. He really _is_ some 'wack ass pinup shit': spread along a practical bed of writhing tentacles, stripped bare, as a skeleton. That's when it hits him, somehow. Ever since he got home, they've joked and laughed and just straight up summoned tentacles to get right into the foreplay, and yet it's only _now_, completely naked down to the bone (ha. ha.), that he really realizes the whole.... big picture. It's been a pretty long time since Kravtiz has felt awkward, not counting a great many instances involving Taako and all the blossoming feelings leading him up to Taako. With it now solid and clumsy in him, Kravitz doesn't entirely know what to do with the feeling. Fortunately, it's not something he has to worry about, not for long. Before the feeling has a chance to take root, Taako pipes up again. "Think I'm kind of into it. Wild how people just learn about new fetishes of theirs every day, huh, Krav?"   
  
"Yes, because you're so knowledgeable and into the kink scene, Taako."   
  
"Oh, you know it. Walrusing, sexual waffle irons, just-" Taako has to fight to get his voice past Kravitz's sudden uproarious laughter. "-just the whole shebang. Paninis, you know!"  
  
Sometimes, not having lungs is a big benefit. For example, Kravitz can't technically drown, which seems to come up in his line of work more than most people would think. Right now, it means he can't choke on his own laughter, tendrils keeping him firmly anchored in place along his fibula and carpal bones. A roughly wrist-sized tentacle pulses upwards out of the horde, curving softly along the side of his skull to press into the small indentation where mandible and skull hollow out, and he tucks his face to laugh against it. When he finally manages to cut it all off, feeling lighter than a skeleton normally is and certainly more warm, he glances over at Taako from his eye socket. It's hard to remember how exhausted he had been maybe half an hour ago, funnily enough. Not with the laughter warming his bones, and the way he can see Taako has been just _smiling_ at him all this time. Getting caught draws a slight jerk of his shoulders, and immediately Taako is falling back into his usual defense of Cocky Asshole. "Geez, don't you get embarrassed making faces like that, Krav?"   
  
Kravitz lets him have this defense just for once, and also does his boyfriend the kindness of not responding with something unbelievably sappy, which he knows for a fact would destroy Taako to fucking ashes. He's nice like that. Instead, he just says, "With the situation I'm in, I think it's a _little_ late to feel embarrassment, Taako."   
  
"Yeah, I guess being in the midst of a tentacle orgy would do that to a guy, huh?" Easing up a little bit- at least Taako is well aware of how simple it would have been to shoot something back at him- he makes a sweeping careless gesture with his wand. "Well, let's do you a solid and get you invited, huh?" Beneath him, Kravtiz can feel the mass of tentacles shift, slimmer ones squirming up inbetween the goliaths that are mainly holding him up. Kravitz allows air to slip between his teeth as he feels them flick along various delicate bits of his skeleton, in particular the slight processes which protrude from his vertebrae.   
  
What really has him reacting, however, is something else entirely. It's not even a big thing, which is a little embarrassing. Instead, it's the slightest careless brush of one of the tentacles along the outside of his ribs. Kravitz jerks away, bones clicking and grinding against each other with the motion. "Ah-!"   
  
From his lazy spot on the couch, Taako stirs a little. "Doin' alright, Kravitz?"   
  
Kravitz does his very best not to squirm too much. "I'm- fine. I'm just more sensitive in this state than I thought I would be."  
  
For a brief hope spot of a second, he almost thinks that would be enough as Taako goes, "Huh." That spot is quickly extinguished when the light goes on behind Taako's eyes. "Shit, wait- are you _ticklish_?"  
  
That is the exact opposite tone he wants in any part of the situation he's currently in. "_No_," Kravitz says, faster than normal. Realizing that, he sighs and promptly just gives up the ghost. "At least... not normally." A tentacle flicks idly in the direction of his torso, and he just barely manages to twist away from it. He'd glare at Taako, but that's literally never stopped the wizard before, and it definitely won't stop him now with the situation being what it is. "Usually I have something like _skin_ over these bones. I don't exactly have a lot of people trying to _tickle_ a grim reaper when he's in full terrifying skeleton mode. I understand that kind of caution and terror is news to you, considering how we first met."   
  
"Hey, I know how to be terrified," Taako says, the sentence such a lazy drawl that it immediately calls itself into question. "But a kink is a kink, my guy, I don't know what to tell you, besides that I'm definitely not letting this rest _now_."   
  
"Weren't you trying to get me off?" Kravitz accuses him, jolting when a tentacle makes a sneak attack from the back. It's a lot more purposeful this time, slowly gliding along the curve of a single rib, and a low tremor rolls through him just a little bit. It's gentle enough to not immediately set off any tickle response, yet still something about it is enough to get his nonexistent insides clenching in simple preparation of it all.   
  
All he gets for his trouble is a waggle of eyebrows. So, you know, typical bullshit from his boyfriend. That, and tentacles slowly caressing and ghosting along exposed bone. Notably, they avoid his ribs for the most part, save for the slightest flick here and there, or a curve of plump darkness that teases in how close it gets. Otherwise, they stick to exploring all the other aspects of his currently rather unique anatomy, exploring gaps where a normal humanoid creature normally never would have them. They stroke and slide against him, softly, slowly, easing him further into the peculiar sensations he's so rarely experienced and relaxing him with the ministrations. Only when he's truly eased up down against the tentacles again do they begin to flutter along his ribs testingly. "I'm starting to think you're having fun with this," Kravitz says, voice perhaps a little strained with every slow or flickeringly quick touch along his literal bare rib cage.   
  
Something about how much Kravitz is squirming now finally seems to rouse Taako into moving. He slinks off of the couch, tucking his wand back into his hair smugly. "Hey, you gotta admit, I don't usually get a chance to do this kind of thing a lot, babe." He flairs his hands out towards the mass of tentacles carrying one (1) fairly aroused skeleton. "Exploration! The thing all couples need for a healthy sex life."  
  
"I don't think they mean it usually quite as literally as this."   
  
"Well, that sounds like it's their problem, and not mine." Kravitz rolls his eyes, which means that he misses, momentarily, just how close Taako gets to him until he's right in front of his body, leaning over him. "But I think I've got things _aaaaaall_ figured out now.... Although mostly I gotta admit that I've hit a sort of dead end on just how exactly I make a skeleton orgasm." He reaches down, fingers sliding along the complicated curves which would make up the shoulder of a regular person. "So can you do me a favor, Krav?"   
  
Feeling the tentacles on his bare bones body is one thing. Feeling Taako's warm and living fingers caressing them is entirely different, and Kravitz would feel his eyes flutter if he had the eyelids for the action. Instead, he just shifts in his fleshy bonds, leaning up into that fleeting and fond touch. "I think that would depend on the favor."   
  
Taako grins down at him, cocky and soft and painfully in love in all the ways he sometimes doesn't say. "I'm gonna need you to start un-going ghost, handsome."   
  
"That.... I think I can manage." Although, to Kravitz's surprise, it's a little harder than he first expected. Not because he doesn't know what to do, of course... Just, it's hard to focus on the magicks that pull his body together, flesh and arcane energies and death, when his focus is rather shot because of the tentacles still curling up against the literally bony curves of his hips and the softly tender parts of his femurs. If breathing could help, he'd do that, but it rather is besides the point when he's all skeleton and no organs. Instead, he tries to focus on Taako's face right in front of him. He remembers how those hands have curved along the back of his skull, nudging his thick dreads out of the way, and the way their lips have felt against one another when they've kissed. It's all helped along as Taako reaches over, the tips of his fingers alighting along his skull, and Kravitz uses the point of contact as a guide. Where Taako's fingers brush, he himself pulls together his flesh and magic body. First his face, magic forming the bridge and flat of his nose, then flowing upwards for soft brows and simultaneously downwards for the plush of his lips where Taako's fingers linger a little longer than before. Once he gets started, it's easy to keep going. There's the long flushed curve of his throat, as heated as his cheeks, and then the broad muscles of his chest, rolling down to bare hips propped up by tentacles that have kindly made sure to get out of all the not-usually-sexy holes of his body. Taako's hands go chasing the muscles down all the way, until Kravitz is from toe to tip the kind of person no one would glance at on the street, and those hands rest along the curve of his hips.   
  
Unsurpsisingly, perhaps, every bit of his body is completely heated up. That _definitely_ includes the part, well, one of the most important parts of any sort of sexual intercourse. Kravitz wants to be at least a _little_ embarrassed that he's this level of aroused when, up until now, all Taako has been doing has been touching him. You know. With tentacles. But the point still stands. When Kravitz lets out a breath, his chest gives a proper slow tremor from the rush of it.   
  
"And you got to do all that," he says, trying to pretend he's scolding his boyfriend, "without having to do any actual work on your own end."   
  
Taako taps his nose with one finger, infuriatingly smug and, as usual, cute as hell. "That's my favorite way to exist: all the amazing results that you'll get from no one else in all of existence, and me getting to just relax while a very handsome man is extremely attractive at my feet."  
  
"Oh, so you have a foot fetish too?"   
  
"Shut up, jackass." But he's laughing, even as he leans in to steal a quick soft kiss from Kravitz's lips. "I think this is the one thing you being spooky can't beat. I'll own my fetish, sure, but I was thinking of how the heck I could kiss someone who's literally all teeth, and I was coming up a little empty, I gotta say."   
  
Kravitz laughs as well, properly breathless especially with Taako's hands smoothing down both of his sides. "And you were so creative in everything else, too."  
  
"Give me a little time." There's that glint in Taako's eyes that always foretells, if not good, at least _interesting_ things. "I'll keep surprising you for as long as I'm alive, babe. Now hush and focus on the real good stuff, alright?" With that, he leans in for another kiss- something a lot deeper and hot than their one just a minute before.   
  
Despite the laziness and lack of inclination towards any sort of hard work that most people know him by- this would include Kravitz, who's had to deal with his boyfriend being as he is in _bed_\- once he gets to work, Taako really _does_ pull off the most extraordinary results. This includes as they are right now, with his thumbs rubbing circles against the dip of Kravitz's hips and his long shirt brushing against the bare skin he's been left with. Apparently he's let magic do enough work for the time being because, while he uses his wand to bring a bottle of lube into being, he at least puts in the effort of slathering it onto his fingers. When he pulls away, he barely does so, and he's close enough for Kravitz to feel the curve of his grin on his lips. "Think you're ready, babe?"  
  
"I think you've made sure that I've been ready a long time," Kravitz murmurs, arching his hips up when he feels the faintest touch of Taako's fingers slipping down to the inside of his thigh. Magically summoned lube does have its benefits, he has to say. It's the perfect temperature as a slim elven finger slides into him, not too cold, not too hot. If Kravtiz shakes a little bit, it's more because his body needs to adjust to just.... being a _body_ again, with all the little things that come with being made of flesh and blood (or at least things pretending to be flesh and blood). Somehow, even though Taako hadn't teased him for long with the tentacles, just teased him _a lot_, it's amazing to Kravitz how stark the contrast is between his two forms. Skeletal had meant that his body had been stripped down to its very bare basics, literally, and so every soft touch, while different, had also been so much... _more_. He'd been sensitive to the newness of it all, every touch hyper focused because of how little there was. Now that he has skin and muscle again, it's a shock to his system to feel it all again. The feel of something spread all across one point, how various tiny little muscles stretch to accommodate Taako's finger, then two, then three... Even the heat of his blood rushing through him, the heat of his love and attraction for Taako, is so stark now after being nothing but bone that he can't help but arch up against his boyfriend's body. When Taako breathes, his skin pricks upwards from the delicate sensation.   
  
There really is something to be said for having flesh.   
  
Taako certainly seems to like it too as he gently stretches him out, the quirk of his mouth all too noticeable against Kravtiz's bare throat. "Wow, you're reacting way more than usual. Maybe we should do skeletal play more than usual, if this is how rowdy it gets you."   
  
A wisp of a laugh exits the very back of Kravtiz's throat. "I mean-" He gives a low moan when Taako manages to get lucky and crook his fingers just right, hips rolling against his boyfriend's hand. "I'm usually the one doing all the work, Taako. You'd have to pick up the slack if you want to see me more like this."   
  
"Trying to turn me off the idea, huh?" His teeth faintly brush against Kravitz's neck when he laughs at him. "Well, it's working. Maybe just for really special occasions, then." With that, he bows his head, his forehead to Kravitz's collarbone, and the reaper takes in a deep breath of everything that makes up Taako. Beneath the glamour, beneath whatever fancy perfumes or colognes he's managed to be gifted or hoodwinked off of other people... Taako smells like home. Like herbs and ash and magic and sweet things wafting out from an oven. The situation might be absolutely completely bogswagglingly ridiculous, especially a minute ago with a skeleton being fondled by a mass of magical tentacles- but something about breathing in Taako's scent brings Kravitz down to earth. Granted, it doesn't exactly bring him to awareness, because it takes him a minute to realize that the reason Taako has had to duck his head is because he's working on his pants. "Aaaand.... There we go." Beneath the slicks sounds of tentacles grinding together, there's a flutter of cloth brought about by Taako kicking his foot backwards. Adjusting himself inbetween Kravtiz's legs, Taako grins at him. He can't think of anywhere else he'd rather be. "We ready, Krav?"   
  
"You were the one with your fingers in my ass," Kravitz informs him, grinning right back. "I would assume you would know best."   
  
"Yeah, well-" He's laughing again, even as he leans in close with his hands on Kravitz's hips. "It's your ass, smart guy." It's like that, with both of them still laughing softly, that they kiss... and that Taako slides in, as close to perfectly smooth as they can get.   
  
With how worked up he'd gotten thanks to so _very_ many tentacles, Kravitz doesn't last as long as he usually does. It only takes a few deep pushes into his body, Taako's clever fingers at his dick, before he's coming with a shudder and his hands fisted where the tentacles are holding him back. Despite his inherent pillow king nature, there's no complaint on Taako's end. All he does is keep his face tucked into Kravtiz's shoulder, still smiling although it must be a little bit of a strain. He keeps thrusting in, low rolls of his hips, until he reaches orgasm himself and can comfortably slump down against Kravtiz's body. It wasn't the most _energetic_ sex session they've ever had, but apparently it was enough energy for his boyfriend's oh-so-fragile body to work up a bit of a sweat, and he can feel the way cloth sticks against both of their bodies where it's sandwiched. For a moment, all they do is lay there together, bodies fitting like puzzle pieces.   
  
Kravitz can only let the peaceful afterglow last for so long before he asks a question he finds to be rather important. "How long does Evard's Black Tentacles last before it all disappears out from underneath us and I bruise my ass, Taako?"  
  
"Eeeeeeeeeeeh." Taako manages to pull out one hand from where he'd cuddled it up against Kravitz's chest to gesture vaguely. "You know."   
  
"If I knew, I wouldn't be asking. Taako? Please do not let me bruise my ass after the overall day I've had."   
  
"Hey, you had a pretty stellar evening 'tho, you have to admit." Taako snickers a bit, the sound only broken by a stuttering pause as he slowly pulls himself out. His wand is retrieved from its placeholder in his hair. "Don't worry about it. How about we cheat with some levitation right to the bath, and we both have a well deserved long hot soak- you for being your very hardworking reaper self, and me for just, overall, being fucking amazing."   
  
"As long as we don't levitate into the ceiling."   
  
Taako taps him on the nose and winks. "No promises!"

**Author's Note:**

> Before you go "james what the fuck", bear in mind that I put up the tag "bone fondling" and you still made the decision to just walk right on in here. I don't have to explain *shit* to you. 
> 
> On a mildly more serious level, I just finished TAZ: Balance, like... this year? Because I am so damn slow when it comes to being current. And at some point I just had the brain realization of how Taako is still into Kravitz even when he's in skeletal form (I maintain he's into the Extra of it all) and Kravitz reacted to almost being in a tentacle hentai on the job, so, like. Was that a thing? Had anyone written tentacle on skeleton fic yet? If no one had, did that mean I now had an *obligation*? 
> 
> I didn't actually go check if anyone had ever written it, ftr, i just jumped straight to writing. 
> 
> And yes I did write this semi-seriously despite wanting to write it because the idea made me laugh, because I'm just incapable of doing anything else. I gotta go full hog or not at all, u kno. 
> 
> Anyway! I hope you enjoyed reading this dumb sex fic on some level, because that would sure be some time wasted otherwise. If you didn't, uh, that sounds like a personal problem, so, bye.


End file.
